IN MEMORY OF
Rocky came into my life on Oct 30,1997. For the first 2 weeks, I almost
gave up on him and returned him to his owner. He would bark profusely and kept jumping at the sliding glass door every night.
Then, I started to miss him the following day and begged to have the dog back and promised to love & spoil him.
It was towards his last days when I tried to ask him for a handshake,
and he couldn't. Rocky was being diagnosed with Lymphoma two months ago. It's an incurable disease. The Vet said that the cancer has spread to other parts of his body and was told that he could live to a maximum of 1 year. Minimum would be a month. Rocky has been very strong and I thought he could outlive more than a year.
I knew his days are up when he vomited blood. Soon, he threw up
what ever he ate. He no longer greets me. Even lifting his paw was a problem. When we took him for walk, he was pretty reluctant and walked slowly. Unlike before, I could have flown with the wind.
When the Vet saw him, I was given 2 choices. Either to put him down to
sleep or to him a jab to stop him for vomiting. Apparently, the vet said that Rocky has difficulties in breathing. Rocky was restless and lay on the surgery table. I could read his mind that he wanted to me to set him free because normal visits to the clinic, he would have freaked out.
As the vet carried him to the surgery room, Rocky looked at me like a
child. Neither did he struggle nor fidget.
When I was allowed to see Rocky, his heartbeat was still beating and
eyes wide open. I asked the vet if he knows my presence and why his eyes are open. Then his heartbeat stopped. The vet explained that it's normal for his eyes to be opened.
I stared hard at him. It was as though he is looking at me. I kissed and whispered in his ears He looked as if he is alive, eyes open, even now as I think back. His body was still warm and I hugged him and whispered in his ears and said "Rocky, fight back......get up."
When I looked into his eyes, its as though he is looking at me, filled
with disappointment that I chose this fate for him.
Before I was forced to leave, I whispered in his ears again and said "I
Will always love you and you will always be in my heart."
How I Cope and live for the rest of my life
I can never forgive myself as long as I live. My conscience will haunt
me forever. What if Rocky thinks that the injection was to make him get well? To him, not only am I a murderer, he will never forgive me.
After all, he was only 4 years ten months.
I've asked that his blanket, house & chewy bones, bowl & chain to be
left untouched. I still filled his bowl with food and water. As I looked out the window last night, I was hoping to see him. When it rains, I worried that he will be cold and hungry with no shelter. When he used to be around, I will tuck him to his little house with blanket. Rocky is afraid of thunder. He will come running to me or either he would hide under the dining table.
What if he gets bullied by a pack of wolves or dogs? What if he is being caught and cooked or worst, being tortured?
My Cherished Memories
There are so many things that I wish I could say all at one go. He
brought us joy, anger, tension, laughter, pain & love.
Rocky is one hell of a jealous freak. He will growl and pick up fight
when he caught me touching other dogs. Then he will make them smell his
butt. Furniture, shoes, more shoes, dress, spatula, pens, toilet papers, brush, etc.... were not spared.
I remembered that whenever my husband & I got in a debate, he will come in between us and tried to be a peacemaker. It really worked!
The first time when he got a fever, I was worried sick. My husband
thought I've over reacted. The vet said that he could have died if we were to bring him late. His temperature was 40 degrees! Then it struck me that the night before after his bath, I didn't dry him thoroughly. Worst, the fan was blowing directly at him. It sure made me more cautious and not to mention, cherish him more.
Whenever there are appointments on weekdays, I will panic and often
turn it down. Reason being, little Rocky will pee and dirty the house.
On weekends, I will make it a point to spend Sundays with him by walking him to Coffee Bean. (to and fro, the distance is about 8km). There is this open field which we will have to pass through. We couldn't help but to unleash him. Husband & I will position from one end to the other end and he will run like a Cheetah. By the time when he comes home, he will lie straight and sometimes snore. Then he will have to be dragged to the bathroom. He hates to bathe! After bath and blow-drying of his shiny silky coat, he will run amok and wriggles like a worm. His ears are so cute especially when he tries
to shake water off. After much flipping, his ears look like a helicopter. After a while, he will sleep like a baby. That's when my husband & I will tried to snatch him from each other, carry him to bed and lie next to me on the bed.
He will snore occasionally. Actually, one of the house rules is that
Rocky will be allowed on our bed on Sunday after bath! Occasionally, we will break the rules.
On Sundays, Rocky will wait outside our room as soon as he hears our
voice, even when I tried to tip toe! Once, I open the door, our friend will strike a pose which you can't resist. As soon as he is invited on the bed, he will transform from an angel to a monster ala lion dance. He loves to challenge with my husband especially when he clench his fist. We will have lots of fun. When his bladder can't hold any longer, he will start barking.
That's when I tried to mimic and we will howl until he gives up.
When we leave him for a short while, say 1/2 hour and return, as soon as the door is open, he will jump and scratch hysterically with a twig bone in his mouth, as if he has not seen us for ages. He loves to jump and bite my hair. We found him too hyperactive and were encouraged to neuter him.
Apparently, it doesn't make any difference. After the op, Rocky was
gawky and couldn't walk straight. By the next day, he was up and ready to be a menace.
It happened that by chance, I signed him up for obedience training
course. Initially, it was more like a party rather than a class. He will distract whoever sat besides him, be it left or right. Still couldn't believe that he actually passed his exam. I guess I was strict and out to make him listen. But not with my husband. When it comes to coaching, the small fart is fearful of me. Anyway, he didn't make it to the advanced training exam. The moment Rocky was being unleashed; he dashed for a bitch instead of sitting still by my side!
Rocky loves to attend the beagle fest whenever I could bring him. The
moment you unleash him, boy! He ran like a cheetah! I really enjoyed
watching him especially when he tries to pick and provoke a bigger dog. He is harmless, just wanting to push his luck and I guess he is just being friendly.
There were a couple of occasions whereby I allowed his buddy to bunk
over. He is never hospitable and always tried to show that he is the boss. Poor guest. I've offered to doggy sit for almost 2 weeks on 2 occasions. Boy! I pitied the guests. When I come back from work, Rocky will be lying in the living room and the guest will be at the kitchen near the toilet. Still can't figure out what he did!
I love to buy chewy toys for him so that he will leave my shoes alone.
He will chew & when I make any attempt to take from him, he thought you are trying to play. When I managed to take away from him, he will wait patiently although his anxiety shows it all.
I love and protect Rocky so much so that I will not allow anyone speak
ill of him. There were a couple of occasions whereby I told some parents and kids off. Just because he is black and brown in colour, these people will make remarks like "eeek.. dog bite bite...." and/or "don't go near the dog otherwise it will bite." Upon hearing, I do not hesitate to tell these morons off and said "hey, don't go around teaching/telling/utter rubbish your children such thing." Majority will smile sheepishly and apologise. Some idiot of the highest degree will challenge you and refuse to admit and go on blabbering to their kid thus confusing them more!
On a few occasions, I've encountered nasty taxi drivers who refused to
take us. There were a few incidents which pissed me off that I noted the car plate number and lodge a complaint.
I respect all religion especially Muslims who cannot have contact with
dogs. For asthmatic cases, I fully understand. What I cannot stomach is when you hear this. "Singapore law cannot take dogs, only humans." "No, must put them behind the car boots."
As the saying goes, dogs are men's best friends. Dogs are known to be
loyal. No matter how you scold or punish them when they are wrong, dogs do not bear grudges. They will come to you and lick you, sit next to you. There were times when I was down, Rocky seems to read my mind and came to lick me. Then he will turn turtle, wanting you to stroke him. He will lift his paws and tried to ask me to hold his hand.
Everyday, I never fail to hold him like a baby and watch the scenery
below. In the evening, while watching television, I will carry him and let him lie next to me. Shortly, he will snore and I enjoyed watching him. Sometimes I felt bad that I have to wake him up if not for nature calls. I also never fail to kiss Rocky good night.
He knows a couple of tricks, such as sit, stay, heel, halt, down, head
down, roll over, jump, & inside. Most dogs will perform such tricks when you reward them. Rocky doesn't. He does whenever I tell him to. But not anymore.