IN LOVING MEMORY OF
MY MICKY BABY
Born 9-1-1990 and died 9-19-2002
12 years of blessed life
Saturday; September 21, 2002
There has been a Life interrupted that nobody knows yet.
It has changed my life and I want you to know. It's only fair that I finish telling you about my Micky Baby.
~~Micky is at home with me. We are together,
I plead with my Lord.. "Not now Dear Lord!" "
I'm not ready." "I'm not ready.....still." I don't want him to have to handle this. I want to take his place.
His eyes said he needed me. "He said; "Help me Mommie." "Stay close and be with me." "Touch me but don't move me." "
And please do not cry or yell out loud." "I need you to be strong for me cause I am scared right now."
His little stature gave way with the fluids his muscles always had control of. "I love you Micky." "It's okay Micky, Mommie is going to gently wipe your areas clean." "I can't handle this Lord!" "Don't do this to me Lord!" "I need my baby." "I need Mickys' most wonderful kind of love just for me!" "I need Micky to need me and only me as he has all of his darling life."
"MY MICKY... DON'T LEAVE ME." "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU." "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU." "I AM NOT ALONE WITH YOU WITH ME." "WE ARE BUDDIES, BEST FRIENDS." "YOU KNOW ME & I KNOW YOU." "YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME IF YOU HAD CONTROL OVER DEATH."
God is seperating us. I'm so angry. "NOT TODAY, LORD!!!".
I know I have been pleading the same from God before and God let him stay and play and feel good. But only for awhile.
"Dear Lord; you have answered my plea's many times before." "You aren't going to let me have my way this time." "WHY NOT????" "I don't thnk I like your plan." "I don't know what your plan is and it scares me." "I can't do any of your plans without my Micky."
"Dad?" "Daddy do you hear me?" "Daddy?" "I want to see you and talk to you NOW!" "Please Daddy." "Please come and take Micky with you". "Don't let him be alone until I get there." "Daddy... Micky is a good boy." "In fact, he is a very good little soldier boy." "I know you'll love him." "He loves to laugh and play along." "He feels like he is as big as the biggest dogs around." "He prances with pride and assertiveness." My Micky automatically hits the front lines of defense for us. Every night Micky makes his rounds between Laura, Shelby and then back to Mommie, under the covers with his darling head sharing my pillow.
"Daddy, I'm not there for him." BUT "You ARE part of me." "Shouldn't that mean Micky would know he could feel safe and happy with you?" "YES, Daddy that's it!" "Only you can come for him." "Please Lord?" "Please let my father come to take Micky to you?" Let my faith in your beauty and kindness be the TRUTH. Don't let me think that I am just making up some kind of wonderful fairytale just for the "feel-good" feeling. I've got to know my faith is TRUE.
I would love to see Daddy and Micky together but I am not allowed that experience for some reason. "Why is that, Daddy?" "I am doing something wrong for you to not come see me." I wish I had that one gift. It wouldn't scare me. I would feel special and I would keep each experience close to my heart. "Why do I not qualify?" ...I have to stop now... It hurts so bad.
I love you and I miss you my little one,